The 2003 Golden Clitorides Awards

The Awards Gala

The banner above La Taverna's sub-basement door says, "Welcome to the 2003 Golden Clitorides Awards Presentation (Black Tie Only)". The bouncers were rigorously enforcing the dress code, and everyone's favorite Nymph is there to make sure they did their job. She plants herself directly in Nick Urfe's path. "Did you not read the invitation?" she questions testily. From the number of patrons who'd come in the wrong state of dress, she is beginning to think no one had paid attention. Figures. "'Black Tie Only' means, black tie only. I'm sorry, you'll have to check your jacket, shirt, pants and whatever else you're wearing." Urfé raises his eyebrows, but quickly complies. The line moves on.

A trio of women and one man, clad only in black ropes ask, "Is this really the sub-basement?" The Nymph's wings flutter testily. They move quickly inside.

At precisely 8 p.m., (in some time zone or another), a spotlight lights the stage, illuminating the Master of Ceremonies, Rui Jorge. Blinded by the light, he flings up a hand containing a number of envelopes - scattering them all over the stage. A chorus line of busty, long-legged women dances their way across the stage, thwarting his efforts to gather them up. It seems there had been enough money in the budget to hire some Clitorettes after all.

The dancers move on and Rui bends to pick up the envelopes, incidentally mooning the assembled authors, editors, fans, groupies, turtles, sheep, novices, Hell's Angels and 1 blow up doll.

"Ahem," Rui says, stepping up to the mic. "I'd like to welcome everyone to the 2003 Golden Clitorides Awards Presentation. Special thanks to everyone who helped make tonight possible, especially the Birthday Nymph and my assistants, the Clitorettes, and Clitorods. A few thong-wearing men stand among the dancers. Prime specimens of manhood with washboard stomachs and hard biceps (among other things).

"Before we get started, I have one rule," Rui adds in a scratchy voice. He knows how authors are with rules. "Please, if authors want to give acceptance speeches, give them upstairs in the Taverna after the ceremony."

He opens the first envelope. "The Golden Clit for Author of the Year goes to... Nick Scipio."

Thunderous clapping and shouts reverberate off the concrete walls as a Clitorette and Clitorod escort Nick to the stage. He accepts his award with a wink and a grin.

As Nick is led offstage, back to his seat, Rui announces, "And the Best NEW Author is... Nick Scipio."

The Clitorette and Clitorod spin Nick around and he heads back up the steps. Another wink and grin accompany his acceptance of the award. As Nick is again led offstage, Rui picks up the next envelope. "The award for Long Story of the Year goes to 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan' by Nick Scipio."

Nick is starting to feel dizzy as the Clitorette and Clitorod spin him around once more, and guide him back to the stage. This time his face is slightly red as he accepts his award with a slight nod.

"Best Series is awarded to Nick Scipio for 'Summer Camp'."

The Clitorete and Clitorod block Nick's way back to his seat. He's not the only one getting dizzy.

"Best Serial goes to 'Summer Camp - Book 2: Gina' by... Nick Scipio." Even Rui's usually chipper voice has lost some of its luster by this time.

"Best Short Story by a New Author goes to 'Let it snow' by - yes, you guessed it - Nick Scipio."

The applause is thinning and even the Clitorettes and Clitorods are starting to look bored.

"I think we should rename the female dancers to the Nickorettes," one patron quips.

Rui clears his throat and continues, "The Golden Clit for Best Long Story by a New Author goes to Nick Scipio for 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan'."

Nick is juggling all his clits, trying not to look embarrassed. It's a losing battle.

"The awards for Best Seasonal Story, Best Romantic Story and Best Heterosexual Story all go to 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan' by Nick Scipio."

"Maybe we should rename this the Nick Scipio Awards."

"Or the Golden Scipios."

The Nymph gives the two chatty patrons a stern glance and shakes her wand at them. Silence falls once again (well, as silent as a room full of authors, editors, fans, groupies, turtles, sheep, novices, Hell's Angels and 1 blow up doll can get).

Rui leans on the podium and yawns. "The Golden Clit for the Sterling Silver Story goes to..." He looks toward the audience expectantly.

"Nick Scipio," the audience says.

"Yes, for 'Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan'," Rui finishes.

Nick has no more room for clits. If he had pockets he could have stuffed some in them, but, well, we're all familiar with the dress code by now.

"The award for Short Story of the Year goes to..." Rui stands up taller. "'Maid Elizabeth' by Smilodon."

A group of Clitorettes run out to escort Smilodon to the stage, as Nick finally heads to his seat.

"Oh!" Rui pipes up. "There's a tie. 'Anticipation Like a Drug' by Nick Scipio is also a winner for Short Story of the Year."

Nick's Clitorette and Clitorod spin him back around once more and he takes his award, perching it precariously atop the others in his arms. He heads for his seat, quivering as people reach out hands to stroke his clits. He's almost at the brink of eruption by the time he reaches his seat (after all, how much clit stroking can one man take?).

Rui grins at the audience. "There is another tie, for Best Flash Story of the Year. The award goes to Elle `Attend for 'The Seasons' and Uther for 'Smell'."

Both authors are escorted up to receive their awards, Elle's black pinstriped tie nestled snug between her breasts, Uther's draped casually around his neck, knot all askew.

Once they'd left the stage, Rui continues, "Best Erotic Poetry award goes to 'Virtual' by Oosh."

Oosh glides up to the stage, black tie tied around her leg like a garter. The ends of the knot lick against her thigh like an impatient puppy. She smiles as she takes her award and two Clitorods help her down the stairs.

Rui looks like he's got his second wind. Either that, or he has gas. Either way, he hurries on, "And next up is the award for Best Same Sex Story. The winners are 'The Sunstroke Cure' by Oosh, and 'My Brother's Wife' by Mike Kimera."

Luckily for Oosh, she had been "discussing" some things with one of the Clitorettes so she didn't have far to go to claim her second award. Mike practically drug his escorts to the stage in his hurry to accept his award.

"The Golden Clit for Best Mind Control Story goes to DiscipleN for 'Minding Others'."

One of the Clitorettes took the clit and brought it to DiscipleN. Mind control in action.

"The award for Best Humor Story goes to Ni... er, sorry," Rui apologizes, "habit. The award goes to Souvie for 'S'mores'."

Her escorts wait patiently as Souvie is busy swapping slobber with John, her new hobby... er, hubby. She skips back to her table, the tie around her breasts bobbing along with them.

"Now we're down to just two more awards," Rui announces with pleasure. He's obviously thinking of the private party he's arranged with some of the Clitorettes for after the ceremony. "We have another tie for Best BDSM Story. The winners are Shon Richards for 'Her Cabin Boy' and Dark Pen for 'Office Games'."

Shon blows kisses to the members of his coven as a Clitorette takes a hold of his tie and leads him to the stage. Dark Pen is led much the same way; both boys are clearly familiar with their subject matter.

"And last, but not least, is the award for Classic Clit. Everyone raise their clits in praise of the winner, 'The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane' by Santos J. Romeo."

Applause fills the sub-basement as the awards are concluded. Rui sneaks off stage amid a handful of buxom Clitorettes, and the Birthday Nymph gently pokes, prods, cajoles and manhandles people out the door to the Taverna above. Speech time, everyone!

- Congrats to everyone!
Your emcee,
Rui Jorge

Author of the Year:

Author	Finish
Al Steiner	finalist
Ann Douglas	nominee
Biff Jones	nominee
Couture	nominee
Dark Vision	nominee
Dorsai	nominee
Don Lockwood	finalist
General Principle	nominee
H. Jekyll	nominee
Ice Phoenix	nominee
Jay Lance	nominee
John Smith	nominee
Julie Hypnotic	nominee
Mike Kimera	nominee
Miss Behavin'	nominee
Nick Scipio	winner
Night Wolf	nominee
Oosh	finalist
Powerone	nominee
Real Life Dragon	nominee
Reverend Cotton Mather	nominee
Smilodon	finalist
Souvie	nominee
Tulsa Brown	nominee
Victoria Manley	finalist

Flash Story of the Year:

Author	Finish
Dear Bill (no-sex, humour) by Smilodon	finalist
Garanteed Delivery by Souvie	nominee
Hide-N-Seek by Desdmona	finalist
The Morning After by Souvie	nominee
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie	finalist
The Seasons by Elle`Attend	winner
Smell by Uther Pendragon	winner
Straight Up by Nick Scipio	nominee
Why I Swallow by Mike Kimera	finalist

Short Story of the Year:

Author	Finish
The Anatomy of an Orgasm... (M/F, oral) by Pami	nominee
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio	winner
Art of Her Desire (M+/F, Exhib) by Purple Herald	nominee
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard	nominee
Avocado Pair (MF/f exhib voy) by DrSpin	nominee
Back When We Were Happy by Mike Kimera	nominee
The Chair (MF oral anal tease mild bd) by Miss Behavin'	finalist
Debt of Honor by Tulsa Brown	nominee
Deserving Ruth by Mike Kimera	nominee
Drowning in Rain by Julie Hypnotic	finalist
E is for Ecstasy (M/F+, very confused) by DrSpin	finalist
End Game by H. Jekyll	nominee
Female Plumbing Problem (MF, magic, softcore) by Vulgar Argot	nominee
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad	nominee
Homecoming (MF) by Ann Douglas	nominee
I Was a World Cup Widow by Souvie	nominee
In Thoughts of You by Nick Scipio	nominee
Keys (M/F - Romance) by Miss Behavin'	nominee
Let It Snow (MF pett) by Nick Scipio	finalist
Maid Elizabeth (MF,rom,1st) by Smilodon	winner
Make Me by Selena Jardine	nominee
Mistletoe by Wiseguy	nominee
My Breasts by Tanja Edward	nominee
My Imaginary Friend by Animus	nominee
Photo Club (MF voy exhib) by Jimmy Hat	nominee
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh	finalist
The Venus Triangle by Allison George	nominee
Wicked Lies by Selena Jardine	nominee

Long Story of the Year:

Author	Finish
Always Loved Her by General Principle	finalist
Bound for Pleasure by Lori L	nominee
Ed and Natalie Naked in School by Don Lockwood	nominee
Fallen Angel by Jay Lance	nominee
Fall of the House of Whores Part II (SciFi, MFF) by Mr. Slot	nominee
George Douglas by Wandering Lanes	finalist
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon	nominee
Jared and Amanda Naked in School by Don Lockwood	finalist
Kelly by The Night Hawk	nominee
Lap Dancer (Lesbian FF rom M+F NC viol hum) by Katie McN	nominee
Like Father Like Son (MF,oral,rom) by Smilodon	nominee
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot	nominee
Mike and Lily Naked in School by Don Lockwood	nominee
The Office by Harriet	nominee
Playing the Game II: Playing to Win by Reverend Cotton Mather	finalist
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	winner
The Russian Front by H Jekyll	nominee
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon	finalist

Best Series:

Author	Finish
The Adventures of Maytag and Stanton by Jimmy Hat	finalist
Jazz Club Stories by Nick Scipio	finalist
Man in the Moon series by Adrianna de la Rosa	nominee
The Misadventures of Ace Dyson by DrSpin	nominee
Memorial Day by Mike Kimera	nominee
Playing the Game by Reverend Cotton Mather	finalist
Summer Camp by Nick Scipio	winner
The Trudy Tolliver Series by Souvie http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/wrestlers.html http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/escort.html http://www.asstr.org/~Souvie/cherries.html http://www.asstr.org/~Desdmona/FishTank/ fraudulentfishtank61/story.html	finalist

Best Serial:

Author	Finish
Ahead of the Game by Night Wolf	nominee
Amy's Smile by jfinn	finalist
Boarding School Sex Training by Lady Dreamer and Powerone	finalist
Cammie Sue by Real Life Dragon	finalist
Carlee after Louisville by Carlee	nominee
George Douglas by Wandering Lanes	nominee
The Hallow Road by Harriet	nominee
Harriet Hotter by Couture	nominee
Kalisha stories by Kalisha Connors	nominee
Little Renee: Showing Uncle Al by Julie Hypnotic	nominee
The Lottery by Dark Vision	nominee
Loving Little Julie by Julie Hypnotic	finalist
Not an Ordinary Day by Black Rose	nominee
Pete a Young Man's Story by Magi	nominee
Robin by John Smith	nominee
Sex God by Pleasure Boy 1	nominee
Stock by Lord Raven	nominee
Summer Camp Book 2: Gina by Nick Scipio	winner
Trailer Trash Teen by Punky Girl	nominee
Victim/Victorian by Vinnie Tesla	nominee

Best New Author:

Author	Finish
Black Rose	finalist
Gray Beard	nominee
Julie Hypnotic	finalist
Holly Rennick	nominee
Kalisha Connors	nominee
Lord Raven	finalist
M.K. Bowes	nominee
Magi	nominee
Nick Scipio	winner
Punky Girl	nominee
Real Life Dragon	finalist
The Secret Grrl	nominee
Vulgar Argot	finalist

Best Short Story by a New Author:

Author	Finish
At the violet hour by Kalisha Connors	nominee
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio	finalist
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard	finalist
To Please Clarissa by Julie Hypnotic	nominee
Dia de los Muertos by M.K. Bowes	nominee
Drowning in Rain by Julie Hypnotic	nominee
Female Plumbing Problem (MF, magic, softcore) by Vulgar Argot	finalist
Let it snow by Nick Scipio	winner

Best Long Story by a New Author:

Author	Finish
AI Girl by Tenyari	finalist
A Life Uncommon (MFF, pseudo-incest, Rom) by Simon Trinity	nominee
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot	nominee
The Politics of Control by Nick Scipio	finalist
The Russian Girl by Katzmarek	nominee
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	winner
Writer's Notebook by Holly Rennick	finalist

Best Erotic Poetry:

Author	Finish
Animal by Marla Cicchino	finalist
Hard Shower by Diana May	nominee
Lipstick by Lon T. Ryden	finalist
Mahika - A Tribute to the Muse in My Life by Stasya T. Canine	finalist
The Understanding by Emmilee Adler	nominee
Virtual by Oosh	winner
You Look Good by Lon T. Ryden	finalist

Best Seasonal Story:

Author	Finish
Let it snow by Nick Scipio	finalist
My Happiest Halloween by Shon Richards	finalist
Memorial Day by Mike Kimera	finalist
Secrets in the Sleigh by Ann Prentice	finalist
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	winner

Classical Clit:

Author	Finish
The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane by Santos J. Romeo	winner
Barley Legal Teens by Bronwen	finalist
The Book by Blackie	finalist
Coffee Table Games by Mike Kimera	nominee
Date by deirdre	nominee
Have a Nice Day by Mike Kimera	nominee
Night Music by The Flying Pen	nominee
The Imaginary Lover by Victoria Manley	finalist
The Valentine's Day Dinner... by Victoria Manley	nominee

Best Romantic Story:

Author	Finish
Always Loved Her by General Principle	finalist
Ashley and Mr. Thomas (MF rom) by Gray Beard	nominee
To Please Clarissa by Julie Hypnotic	nominee
End Game by H. Jekyll	nominee
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad	nominee
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon	nominee
Ikke Laengere Jomfru (mf, oral, first, rom) by Dorsai	nominee
Let Yourself Go by Selena Jardine	nominee
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	winner
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh	finalist
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon	finalist

Best Same Sex Story:

Author	Finish
Dormant Ghost by Elf Sternberg	finalist
Lap Dancer (Lesbian FF rom M+F NC viol hum) by Katie McN	nominee
My Brother's Wife by Mike Kimera	winner
Radiance by Tulsa Brown	finalist
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh	winner

Best Mind Control (MC) Story:

Author	Finish
Jamie's New Job by MrGrey	finalist
Minding Others by DiscipleN	winner
What Kind of Monster? by EyeofSerpent	finalist

Best BDSM (bondage, discipline and sado-masochism) Story:

Author	Finish
The Auction by Jude Mason	nominee
Back When We Were Happy by Mike Kimera	finalist
Filling Usha by Mike Kimera	nominee
Her Cabin Boy by Shon Richards	winner
Loving Bondage by Bluepen	nominee
The Office by Harriet	nominee
Office Games by Dark Pen	winner
Tall, Blond and Bound by Zebulon	nominee
Tiger, Tiger by Mike Kimera	finalist

Best Heterosexual Story:

Author	Finish
The Anatomy of an Orgasm... (M/F, oral) by Pami	nominee
Camping by Victoria Manley	finalist
Fallen Angel by Jay Lance	finalist
Flesh On A Woman by Tulsa Brown	nominee
Four of a kind (MF, rom, strip poker) by Crimson Dragon	finalist
Gone (MF, rom) by Dryad	nominee
Heart Ball by Uther Pendragon	nominee
Make Me by Selena Jardine	nominee
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie	finalist
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	winner
The Venus Triangle by Allison George	nominee
A Wife's Mistake, A Husband's Nightmare (M/F Wife, Cheat, Drunk, Bond, Rape) by Not My Story	nominee

Best Humor Story:

Author	Finish
Dear Bill (no-sex, humour) by Smilodon	finalist
E is for Ecstasy (M/F+, very confused) by DrSpin	nominee
Fall of the House of Whores Part II (SciFi, MFF) by Mr. Slot	nominee
Free Babes on Cam by Kenny N Gamera	finalist
Hot To Frott by Mike Kimera	nominee
I Was a World Cup Widow by Souvie	finalist
Losing It (mf, rom, 1st) by Smilodon	nominee
Make Me by Selena Jardine	nominee
Making Peace by Oosh	finalist
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie	winner

Sterling Silver:

(the winners of the Monthly Silver Clitorides Awards)

Story	Month
NanoVirus by cmsix Removed by author's request	July 2002
The View From Inside by Alexis Siefert	August 2002
Flagrante Delicto I: Velvet by iambe	September 2002
Enchante by Number 6	October 2002
Let Yourself Go by Selena Jardine	October 2002
Summer Camp - Book 1: Susan by Nick Scipio	November 2002
Anticipation Like a Drug (MF, pett) by Nick Scipio	December 2002
Lucky by iambe	January, 2003
S'mores (MF, oral, food) by Souvie	January, 2003
Chocolate Covered Cherries by Desdmona	February 2003
The Sunstroke Cure by Oosh	March 2003
Walking the Dog (MF, oral) by Smilodon	March 2003
Playing the Game II: Playing to Win by Reverend Cotton Mather	April 2003
Princes of Mannsborough by Vulgar Argot	May 2003
Camping by Victoria Manley	June 2003

A pale yellow background indicates a winner.

A varied blue background indicates a finalist.